Love · Motherhood/Parenting

I Felt Bad Last Night

I felt bad last night!

This little lady of ours is not so little anymore. She’s growing up so fast and has lots of things to do and say but not willing to do any thing we ask her to do easily!

I know she’s missing life in Lebanon after a month vacation playing freely with 8 cousins, but she’s unable to explain her feelings to us.

I know she has thousand thoughts and feelings but she’s unable to express them. 

But, at the end of the day, we’re human beings that have limits for everything right?

Last night, I finished work at 6:00, went home, dressed both kiddos up and waited for Daddy. Daddy arrived 15 minutes later, and took us to their favorite mall. They bought some stuff from Toys R Us, had dinner at McDonald’s, played at Adventure Land, and had a ride in the train. Then it was time to go back home, and supposedly with happy children.

But. It wasn’t the case!

We arrived home, it took us a while to brush our teeth and put PJs on. Then, and because they refused to go to bed, I agreed to spend half an hour together on a play-dough session. Half an hour passed and they still didn’t want to go to bed. I offered a short movie and me staying with them in bed for a while. But this didn’t work as well. I stayed in the bed with them for around 45 minutes with no signs of sleeping so I left their room but at least they stayed in bed.

OR, that’s what I thought!

10 minutes later, they came back to the living room and stayed there until 11:00 pm!

WIDE AWAKE.

Wide awake, not listening to a word daddy or I were saying, jumping on the sofas like crazy, playing piano (yes!), and off course fighting!

And that’s when mommy lost it!

I’ve been up since 7:20 am, at work all day long, at mall running after them for 2 hours, at home trying my best to put them in bed for another 2 hours plus I have to go to work the next morning.

So yes, mommy lost it.

I shouted (a lot), she cried (a lot).

I sent her to bed crying and I thought she’ll stop in couple of minutes. But she didn’t. I tried to ignore. But she kept on going for around 10 minutes. I went back into her room and shouted again to make her stop crying. But off course she didn’t. She cried more. I removed her from bed and put her at a naughty corner, and she didn’t stop crying. At last when I knocked the door so hard, just to release my anger, she stopped.

I left her for few seconds at the naughty corner and then asked her to come out. She wanted to run and hug me, but instead I sat down at her level and talked to her. I told her all the things we’ve done after work just to make them happy and in return she didn’t accept doing anything we asked her to do. She knew she was wrong. But I felt bad. Then I asked her to give me a hug. She hugged me so tight and didn’t want to let go. Then she walked to her bed, I covered her up, wished her sweet dreams and told her that I love her so much and left the room.

I felt so bad. I wanted to cry. 

10 minutes later, daddy and I went back to their room to check on them before we go to bed, she was still awake and having silent tears. She asked for daddy to stay with her just for a little time. He did. She hugged him and closed her eyes to sleep. I came to give her a kiss, she turned to me and said: “I love you mommy. I promise I’ll not come sleep at your bed at night any more” with tears in her eyes. I felt bad.

I went to my bed & it took me a while to fall asleep. This morning, the alarm woke me up at 7:20 and I was hoping to see Ghazal sleeping beside us, but she was not. I went to their room and she was there.

I felt so bad. I felt awful. I felt as the worse mom in the whole universe.

I wanted her to sleep in her bed and stop coming to ours every single night at 2:00 am. But today that it happened, it doesn’t make me feel any better.

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I hope i’m not doing it wrong.

Would love to hear your experiences with your little ones, and any advises are welcomed.

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3 thoughts on “I Felt Bad Last Night

  1. Awww… I can understand what you are going through because all us mums’ go through it. We want to raise them well but feel guilty when we lay out strict rules. She loves you and won’t even remember this after a couple of days . And know you’re doing a wonderful job as a parent.

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  2. Aww don’t feel bad dear.. we all have those days when we get upset at our kids and then regret doing the same. Just talk to her and make her forget the whole thing. I have shouted and hurt my son so many times in the past and I regret it as I don’t want his childhood to be scarred. But he still says, ‘I love you mom’ and my heart melts. Don’t worry dear, I’m sure she will come sleep on your bed again

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